


Scars

by TimeTravelingPirate



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-05-25 18:13:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6205498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TimeTravelingPirate/pseuds/TimeTravelingPirate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock is befuddled by Jim's erratic behavior about not receiving medical assistance after he escapes being in prison. When the FO of the Enterprise goes to investigate and take Jim to Medbay, he get's more than he bargained for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scars

His breath came in heavy gasps has he peered over a boulder. His uniform was soaked in blood. His blood, staining the beautiful gold to an ugly copper tone. Scratches and gashes littered his body. He was also fairly sure that he had a few broken ribs and bruised muscles. But none of that mattered. He had to get back to the Enterprise. Hopefully someone was down here looking for him or maybe he could find a way to communicate with his ship. The odd thought of having that mental link with someone, like Vulcan’s had, would come in handy right about now. He groaned in frustration before he took off running. Jim still wasn’t far enough from his captors. They’d be looking for him.

The sun was slowly working its way across the sky, sending the world in a deep purplish glow. It was going to be night soon and Jim was running out of time. He knew it would be impossible to survive the night. These things, these creatures were born of darkness and could see and hunt well without the aid of instruments. He’d be toast if he didn’t get help, quickly. His irritation was starting to flair at getting himself into this situation. Yes, he knew he could be stubborn and didn’t think of himself but it would be a stupid way to die. He would rather die in battle than by his own stupidity. Though he knew Bones would argue that he was always stupid. That thought fueled his survival mode and he took off running, bare feet padding against the semi rough terrain.

It was just as the last rays of sun were dipping behind the horizon that he caught sight of Spock and a search party. He bolted full speed, sensing that company was quickly coming up on his tail. Even with dulled sense in the daylight these creatures, who had tortured him, seemed to be able to track well enough in the daylight.

By the time he reached Spock and the others he had collapsed onto his knees and clutched his sides gasping for breath.

“Captain!” Spock exclaimed, a sliver of emotion leaking into his voice as he took in the state of Jim. He didn’t have time to dwell further before Jim rasped out.

“We have to go, now. Beam up. Beam up.” He said urgently, his eyes wide with an emotion he could not voice. 

“Spock to Enterprise. Five to beam up. Now.”

The hum of the transporter filled the air as all five crew members of the Enterprise were beamed up and reappeared on the transporter pad. Bones was already waiting a glare on his features.

“Good God, Jim.” He fumed when blue hues fell on the captain who was still on his knees.

“I’m fine. I just need a shower.”

“Like hell. I’m taking you to medbay. Now.”

“No.”

There was silence as Bones looked disbelieving as Jim started to move out of the room.

“Goddamit Jim, who the hell knows what they did to you down there but by God I am going to make sure you’re going to survive.”

“I’m fine.” Jim bit, eyes glaring as he slipped out the door before Bones could utter another word. He positively fumed, looking like he wanted to explode. He turned his hateful gaze towards Spock and pointed in the direction Jim had went.

“You drag his sorry as to medbay when you get a hold of him. I am going to hypo that sonuvabitch into next week.”

“Understood.” Spock replied, still reeling from the display that had just happened in front of him. It was unlike Jim to refuse medical attention. He had been held captive for over 20 hours. Surely some form of bodily harm would have befallen him. It made his stomach churn and a wave of rage crash through him. But Spock simply clenched his fists, counted to three, exhaled, and left the transporter room and looked for Jim.

The Captain knew he was playing with fire. No doubt one of them was going to come after him and then he would be done for. So he made a beeline for his quarters and made sure to use his captain’s code to lock all of the doors, hoping that he would be able to shower in enough time to get all of the blood off and assess the damage before Spock or Bones came busting in with guns blazing.

Hot water poured from the head. He didn’t bother with a sonic shower. He needed a real one as he winced, using soap to scrub at every exposed piece of skin he could each. Most of the wounds were not that deep but he had a lot of them. Nearly 80% of his body was covered in abrasions. It showed where they had kicked him repeatedly which explained the broken ribs. He could already see the nasty bruises forming on both of his sides. They’d used needles and blades of some sort to cut into his skin. They were not deep but it was enough to cause discomfort. They even began plucking away at his nails, trying to pry them off. But they had been unsuccessful, so they had resorted back to throwing punches and basically beating the shit out of him. It was a miracle he was able to see in the first place. He was just waiting for all the bruises to show.

Satisfied, Jim exited the shower and toweled himself off. He grabbed two just incase someone was waiting for him in his room. He cursed to himself for not bringing an extra pair of clothes in so he could cover up the damage. And it was no surprise that when he stepped out of the bathroom and into his quarters Spock was standing in the middle of the room, hands clasped behind his back, eyes trained on Jim.

“Hey Spock.” He said in casual greeting like nothing had ever happened.

“Jim.”

“Come on, out with it. Here to drag me to sickbay?” Jim questioned with a hint of laughter. There was no humor, of course. However Jim made sure to keep the towels pressed against his skin tightly. 

“Yes. Dr. McCoy requests your presence there so he may asses the damage you have received.”

“Spock. I’m fine.”

“Jim, it is not unlike you to lie and play down your injuries. You were held captive for over 20 hours. That is plenty of time to conduct bodily, emotional and physiological damage to a person. It would make McCoy and myself feel better to know that you are well.”

This caused Jim to pull up short. He straightened and blink. Hm..Spock feeling. He found that interesting.

A sigh left Jim’s lips. “I’m fine. Okay. It’s nothing that won't fix itself. Will you allow me to get dressed?”

Spock seemed to consider the fact.

“Jim, I grow tired of your refusal to go to sickbay. I can see the abrasions starting to form on your face. You require medical attention.” His voice had gone flat, face stern, all flashes of warmth and concern had left his face.

“No.” Jim replied in an equally flat tone.

“Jim.” Spock warned, his body seeming to grow in height as his shoulders bunched. This made Jim a little leery of what he was getting himself into but he had his reasons for not going to see Bones.

“No.” Jim replied flatly knowing he was barking up the wrong tree. And in a split second he was doomed.

With no warning, Spock rushed at the captain and pushed him against the far wall. It was not hard but it was enough to cause Jim to wince. Spock picked up on this.

“Why must you continue to refuse the help of those who care for you? Why must you continue to throw yourself into harm's way with no regards to your own life?”

Anger morphed on to Jim’s face, pain forgotten. He remained tall and silent, glaring at the Vulcan. He would no cave, no matter how intimidating Spock was right now.

“Answer.”

“No.”

Spock’s nails dug into Jim’s shoulders. “You will answer.”

“No.”

This caused Spock to snap as a snarl left his lips. With deft fingers he reached for the towels that were wrapped around Jim’s body. The captain was too slow to stop the process, to stop himself from being exposed so that Spock could see all of the angry red marks and cuts and bruises that were starting to form on this golden flesh.

Naked and completely exposed, Jim stood tall, unwilling to let the embarrassment of being completely nude in front of his First Officer phase him. However, he was unprepared for the hiss of surprise and the series of emotions that seemed to swim behind Spock’s eyes, ranging from sorrow, to sympathy, to anger to...something much, much worse the left Jim feeling unease.

“I’m fine.” He said at least, hoping to draw Spock from his thoughts.

The Vulcan’s head snapped up and he glared at Jim which caused the male to press further back against the wall, wanting to escape the heat that seem to flush over him. If he allowed himself to admit, he was scared. He didn’t get scared easily but Spock was scaring him.

But then the Vulcan took a tentative step forward, hand outstretched, all feeling of rage seeming to vanish. Jim remained deathly still as he watched Spock slowly trace his fingers across the red flesh of the new wounds, tracing the outsides. Lightly they danced until they had touched each one he could see and it left Jim a little breathless. He didn’t know what was going on. He just hoped that Spock wouldn’t notice the other, older scars. But he was he kidding, of course he picked up it.

“Jim.” He said, a thought seeming to form in his mind as if in understanding. Jim was afraid of what he was going to say because Spock had this uncanny ability to see right through Jim and know what he was thinking, touch telepath or not.

“Yes.” He replied, breathing heavy.

“Where do these old scars come from?”

Silence. Jim looked down and held his tongue. No he was not going to dig up those old memories of his past.

“Jim.” The Vulcan’s voice was soft as slender digits came to rest under Jim’s chin and lift his head up, brown eyes a pool of emotion that caused the male to suck in his breath, not expecting that sight. How could he say no to those huge brown eyes and were filled with a cocktail of emotions. More emotions then Jim had ever seen before. It caused his heart to beat faster. 

He wasn’t sure what compelled him to do it but when he had an idea, he sort of ran with it. So, with a tentative reach, Jim grasped for Spock’s wrist and brought his hand to his face. A knowing look skirted across the Vulcan’s face.

“No, Jim.”

“Please.” Jim nearly begged. “I can’t- I.” voice faltered as his chin came to rest on his chest. He took a shuttering breath.

“I told Bones I would never talk about it again. But if you want to know, you’re going to have to see for yourself. It will explain where those other scars come from.”

The Vulcan seemed to deliberate, eyes intently glancing at Jim.

“Very well.”

Hand and face rose as Spock placed his fingers in a pattern across Jim’s skin. Both sets of eyes closed as Spock entered into Jim’s mind and was met with an overwhelming flood of emotions and thoughts and memories.

_It was a maelstrom and difficult to maneuver. Spock was not expecting Jim to be so forthcoming with his memories. So when the initial blast hit, the Vulcan found himself gasping for breath as he began an unknowingly horrific journey._

_At first the images were too fast for him to see. Snippets here and there of a young blonde boy who had vibrant blue eyes and an even brighter smile. He was happy at first and then something happened. A man, a tall and dark man came into the picture and Spock felt the fear that rocketed through Jim every time he saw that man’s face. The terror and the pain and the hurt all revolved around that single figure. The brightness that used to be on Jim’s face was no longer there. It was replaced by something much darker and, dare he say, scary._

_Finally, a memory settled into Spock’s vision. He saw the flight of terror across Jim’s face as he quickly ran around a dark house. The man was after him waving the shards of a broken bottle. He chucked it at Jim’s thin frame and the bent to pick it up again._

_Jim raced for the stairs, only to have his foot grabbed, causing his face to smash into the wood. Nose was bloody and lips slip as the man put his full weight on top of Jim, slashing and hacking with the broken bottle across his face and chest._

_“You little bastard. How dare you run your stupid mouth and ruin my good night. How dare you.” Venim seethed in his voice and Jim tried to block the blows but his arms were pinned. All he could do was twist his head this way and that, attempted to avoid the blows. But it did nothing until the pressure finally released from his chest._

_The next image was of the same man, keeping Jim locked in an enclosed space. Spock wass unsure of how old the boy is. But he is young. For days he was trapped in there, given nothing to sleep on or to relieve himself in. He was only given one meal and it was simple two pieces of bread. Nothing more._

_Jim was now older, but just by a few years. His hands were bound behind his back. Blood was dripping from his body in different places as the same old man, now with gray hair, stood in front of Jim, prying his mouth open before he shoved a meaty member into the waiting hole. Jim was defiled and left feeling broken and disgusting. He tried to bite down but a quick stab to his ribs kept him from doing so again._

_Realisation set in as Jim was a few years older. Scars and cuts line his body as he laid strapped to a mattress. Hands and ankles tied to posts that line the ground. His breath was shallow and his limbs stretched impossible hard. Jim’s eyes seem to be vacant as he simply lolls his head to the side. He does nothing as strange people enter the room and do unspeakable things. The man from his childhood lurks in the corner with a satisfied smirk on his lips as he glaces at Jim’s prone form and then back to the stash of credits in his hands. Jim has made him a rich man._

Spock finds himself expelled from Jim’s memory, stumbling back. He is shocked to see that Jim was slumped to the floor and is cradled in on himself, rocking back and forth tears streaming down his face as he whispers an incantation to himself. Erratically his heart beats in his chest as he tries to calm himself. So Spock reaches out in a human manner to comfort Jim but steals his hand back when the male flinches before looking up at Spock.

“Sorry. Go ahead.”

Realization dawns on Spock as he moves more slowly until his body is wrapped around Jim’s, cradling him to his chest. Too many emotions swarm both of them. Jim’s more centered around guilt and filth and terror. Spock’s flash in unison but are coupled by hate and rage. He has never felt something so powerful as he did now. The urge to destroy the man who had caused so much pain in Jim’s life was strong. So much terror and hurt and vial, vial things. It left him speechless and all he can do was cradle Jim to him and hopes that he could quell the torrent of feelings that now swelled inside both of them.

In a rather calm voice, Jim finally broke the silence. “I don’t want to be treated because I want to cover up my old scars. It’s a constant battle trying to forget and to move on. I don’t want to be reminded of what I used to be and where I came from. I need something, want something new that can replace what has been done to me.”

It is then that Spock finally understands Jim’s resistant attitude towards receiving medical attention. Despite how illogical it is, it does make sense.

“Can Dr. McCoy not use a skin graph to eliminate those old scars?”

There was silence once more. Jim found it difficult to explain why he doesn’t want them to be erased but covered.

“It’s not what I want.” He finally said, not sure if Spock will understand.

The trembling of Jim’s body started to reseed. His naked body was still plastered to Spock’s as they sat there, unmoving. How do you go on from that? How to you move forward after such an intimate display of...shit?

“That wasn’t everything.” Jim said at last. “I didn’t want to overwhelm you.”

That seems to be an understatement to Spock as his arms tighten around Jim, wanting to keep all of the bad things at bay. The lingering hints of anger were still there but the Vulcan was unsure of what he wawanted nts to do with those emotions. There is nothing he can lash out to release those feelings.

“Does the man, in your mind, does he still live?”

“God. I hope not.” Jim bit back. “Sorry.” He muttered.

The man in question was a relative of his. He couldn’t believe that they were actually related but hey, all the sexaul abuse stuff always came form people you knew. It only seemed fitting, right? 

God, he was so messed up.

Silence stretched between them before Spock took a breath. Jim found it is weird which makes his full attention focus on his first officer.

“Jim. There is no reason for you to hide your scars. You do not need to feel shame for all of the things that have happened to you. You would not be the man you are today without them. You are an excellent captain who puts others above himself. Your logic is sound your mind is filled with whit and cunning thoughts. If anything, they should serve as a reminder that you are intelligent, brave, and strong. Jim, you are one of the strongest men I know and each day you surprise me with your knowledge and valor and-” He pauses, not sure how to go on or finish. 

“Your everything.” Spock finished at last, gazing intently at Jim hoping that his words would sink in and that the captain, his friend, understood what he it was he was trying to convey. Jim’s scars should mean nothing. They should not hold him back and keep him locked in a prison. 

“Wow.” Jim started. “No one has quite explained it like that before.” A small laugh left his lips as he looked up at Spock. “You still think I’m the strongest man you know even though I’m curled up, in your lap, naked.”

The spell of emotions broke at that moment as a tint of green flushed across Spock’s cheeks as he gingerly removed Kirk from his lap.

“Perhaps you would like to get dressed now.”

“Perhaps you’re right.” Jim shot back with a smile as he quickly changed.

Now fully clothed he clapped Spock on the back. “Come on, Bones is gonna wanna see me in sickbay might as well get this over with. Not to mention he is gonna rip me a new one.”

A wide smile danced on his lips as both men exited Jim’s quarters, the captain choosing to forget the weight his past holds over him and simply move on. With Spock by his side he can do anything.

**Author's Note:**

> Since people need a little help with word definitions...
> 
> Abuse: 1. use (something) to bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse. 2. treat (a person or an animal) with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly. 3. cruel and violent treatment of a person or animal.
> 
> Types of Abuse:  
> Economic, sexual, physical, verbal, emotional, academic, and psychological.
> 
> The tag 'Abuse' in this fic is used as a general term because there is a lot of past abuse mentioned. There are many _types_ of abuse mentioned. Nearly all above types of abuse are mentioned at some point or another in this fic. You your best judgement based on the tags given if this is something you can tolerate to read or not.


End file.
